PART 3 - How Kids Can Help Parents Struggling with Addiction: A Compassionate Guide
Part 3 Building Boundaries for Safety
Here's how children can take meaningful steps to help while protecting their own well-being.
Addiction can sometimes create unsafe environments. Kids need clear guidance on protecting themselves while staying supportive of their parent. This requires teaching them to set boundaries and equipping them with tools to stay safe.
Understand Personal Limits
Children must know that it’s okay to prioritize their own safety over trying to help their parent. They cannot solve the addiction, and focusing on their well-being is essential.
Practical Tip: Help kids identify specific behaviors or situations that make them feel unsafe, such as yelling or aggression. Encourage them to create a plan to remove themselves from such environments, like going to their room or leaving the house temporarily.
Practical Tip: For younger children, establish a “safe word” they can use with a trusted adult when they feel uncomfortable or scared, signaling the need for immediate help.
Create a Safety Plan
A safety plan ensures children know what to do in case situations escalate. This includes having safe places to go and being prepared with emergency contacts.
Practical Tip: Work with children to memorize important phone numbers (like trusted relatives or neighbors) or write them down in a secure but easily accessible place. Discuss and rehearse where they could go in case they need to leave their home suddenly.
Practical Tip: Prepare a small safety bag with essentials like a notebook with emergency phone numbers, a comforting toy or book, and a flashlight. This can be particularly reassuring for younger children.
Putting Boundaries in Place Is Essential
Boundaries are a necessary tool for safety and do not mean a lack of care or love for the person struggling with addiction. On the contrary, setting boundaries allows children to protect themselves, both physically and emotionally, ensuring they are in a position to help in a healthy and effective way if the situation permits.
Practical Tip: Help children understand that prioritizing their safety is not selfish. Explain that maintaining their own well-being means they will be stronger and better equipped to offer support in safe and appropriate ways.
Practical Tip: Teach children to say something like, “I love you, but I can’t talk about this right now,” if conversations become emotionally overwhelming.
Involve Support Networks
Children should be reminded that they do not need to handle unsafe situations alone. Trusted adults, teachers, counselors, or other professionals are available to provide support.
Practical Tip: Encourage children to share concerns about unsafe environments with a teacher, school counselor, or another trusted adult. If reporting feels intimidating, practice what they could say to open up the conversation, such as, “I’m worried about what happens at home sometimes, and I need help.”
Practical Tip: For teenagers, suggest having a counselor’s phone number stored in their phone or in a hidden but accessible place, like their school bag or pencil case.
Teach Emotional Boundaries
To balance empathy and self-care, children need guidance on setting emotional boundaries. They should understand that while it’s okay to care for their parent, their parent’s actions are not their responsibility.
Practical Tip: Encourage journaling as a way to express emotions in a safe and private manner. Help them develop phrases they can use if they feel overwhelmed, such as, “I need a break to think right now.”
Use Role-Playing to Prepare for Scenarios
Practicing responses to potential situations can empower children to act confidently and safely. Role-playing offers a non-threatening way to prepare for emergencies.
Practical Tip: Go through scenarios like safely leaving the room when an argument escalates or calmly refusing to get involved in discussions that make them uncomfortable. Rehearsing these actions can make them feel more manageable during real situations.
Practical Tip: If a trusted adult (e.g., a teacher) asks how they’re doing, practice how they might express themselves, such as, “Things are hard at home sometimes, but I don’t feel safe talking about it here. Can I talk to you later?”
By providing actionable steps, children can protect their physical and emotional well-being while maintaining compassion for their parent. Creating boundaries and safety plans not only supports their immediate safety but also empowers them to handle challenges with confidence.
For more information, help, and resources, please visit www.steeredstraight.org or call (856) 691-6676
Our mission is to steer youth straight toward making sound, rational decisions through a learning experience that provides a message of reality to help them make positive, informed choices.
