The Power of Setting Clear Expectations: Protecting Your Children from Substance Use
As a parent, one of the most important responsibilities you have is guiding your children through life’s challenges and helping them make healthy decisions. When it comes to drinking, vaping, cannabis, and other substance use, clear parental expectations can serve as a powerful deterrent. Kids crave structure, even if they don’t always show it, and having firm, well-communicated rules can significantly reduce the likelihood of risky behavior. By being proactive and intentional about setting expectations, you empower your children to navigate peer pressure and make informed, responsible choices.
Why Clear Expectations Matter
Clarity Reduces Ambiguity: Children often test boundaries, especially when they’re unsure of where the lines are drawn. By clearly defining what is and isn’t acceptable, you remove any gray areas that might encourage experimentation or risky behavior.
A Real Story: A mother of two young boys decided to start discussing the dangers of vaping and smoking when her children were still in elementary school. She used age-appropriate language, explaining how these substances could harm their lungs and make it harder to play sports or stay healthy. Years later, when her oldest son was offered a vape at a party, he confidently declined, saying, “My mom told me what that does to your body, and I don’t want to mess with it.” Early conversations and clear expectations can have lasting positive effects.
Parental Influence Matters: Research consistently shows that parental involvement plays a major role in preventing substance use. Teens who believe their parents disapprove of drinking, smoking, or drug use are less likely to engage in those behaviors. Simply put, your stance matters.
A Real Story: One parent discovered that their teenage daughter had tried alcohol at a friend’s house. Instead of reacting with anger, they turned the situation into a learning opportunity. By sharing their own experiences and mistakes with alcohol as a young adult, the parent fostered an open, honest conversation. Their daughter felt comfortable asking questions and ultimately avoided drinking at future gatherings.
Prepares Kids for Real-World Pressures: Peer pressure is inevitable, but when children understand their family’s expectations and the reasons behind them, they’re better equipped to resist it. Your guidance can act as an internal compass when your child is faced with tough decisions.
A Real Story: A single mom worried about her son’s exposure to vaping at school. She decided to role-play scenarios with him, practicing how he could respond if someone offered him a vape. They rehearsed responses like, “No thanks, I’m good,” or “I don’t want to mess up my soccer season.” When the situation arose, her son felt confident and prepared, demonstrating the power of proactive parenting.
How to Set Clear Expectations
Have Age-Appropriate Conversations: Start the dialogue early, adjusting your language and approach as your child grows. For young children, focus on simple concepts like “This is bad for our bodies.” For teens, discuss the long-term consequences of substance use, including its impact on health, academics, and personal goals.
Example Expectation: “In our family, we don’t vape because it’s addictive and can harm your lungs. If someone offers it to you, say no and let me know about it.”
Be Specific and Consistent: Avoid vague rules like “Don’t do drugs.” Instead, state your expectations clearly and explain why. For example, “We expect you not to drink alcohol because it can impair your judgment and is illegal for someone your age.” Consistency in messaging is key—don’t send mixed signals by downplaying the risks.
A Real Story: One father decided to be transparent with his teenage son about a close family friend who struggled with alcohol addiction after drinking heavily in high school. Sharing this real-life example gave the son a deeper understanding of the long-term consequences of underage drinking and helped reinforce the importance of avoiding alcohol.
Set Consequences: Outline the consequences of breaking the rules, and make sure they are fair and enforceable. Following through shows your child that you take these expectations seriously.
Example Expectation: “If you break this rule, you’ll lose your phone privileges for a week. We want you to understand this is about keeping you safe.”
Focus on Two-Way Communication: Encourage your child to share their thoughts, ask questions, and even express disagreements. This creates an open dialogue and ensures that they feel heard, which increases the likelihood they will respect and internalize your expectations.
Model Healthy Behavior: Actions speak louder than words. If you want your children to avoid substances, demonstrate a healthy lifestyle yourself. This includes avoiding excessive alcohol use and maintaining open, honest conversations about your own experiences and choices.
Examples of Good Expectations
Regarding Alcohol: “Our family rule is no drinking underage. If you’re ever in a situation where others are drinking, call us. We’ll pick you up—no questions asked in the moment—and we’ll talk about it later.”
Regarding Vaping: “We do not use vaping products because they’re addictive and harmful. If someone offers you a vape, remember you can always say no or come to me for help.”
Regarding Cannabis: “It’s against the law for you to use marijuana at your age, and it can interfere with your ability to focus and remember things. We expect you to avoid it completely.”
General Substance Use: “Substances like drugs, alcohol, and vapes are not allowed because they can hurt your body, mind, and future. If you ever feel pressured, talk to us. We’ll always support you.”
Tips for Reinforcing Expectations
Regular Check-Ins: Make time to talk about substance use on an ongoing basis, not just once. Ask your child what they’ve been hearing at school or from friends, and use those opportunities to reiterate your expectations.
A Real Story: One parent noticed their middle schooler was curious about vaping after seeing classmates use it. They decided to show their child news stories about teens who had experienced severe health issues from vaping, including lung injuries. This factual approach helped the child understand the risks and gave them a solid reason to avoid vaping.
Reward Positive Choices: Acknowledge and praise your child for making healthy decisions. Positive reinforcement can strengthen their commitment to following the rules.
Stay Involved: Know who your child’s friends are, where they spend their time, and what influences they’re exposed to. Awareness can help you address issues before they escalate.
Final Thoughts
Setting clear expectations about drinking, vaping, cannabis, and other substances is one of the most impactful steps you can take as a parent. By establishing boundaries and communicating openly, you provide your child with a strong foundation for making healthy choices. Your involvement, guidance, and love can make all the difference in your child’s journey to a safe and healthy future.
For more information, help, and resources, please visit www.steeredstraight.org or call (856) 691-6676
Our mission is to steer youth straight toward making sound, rational decisions through a learning experience that provides a message of reality to help them make positive, informed choices.
